Bitch?

The set-up:

A colleague and friend left teaching for a job outside education. The end of May, teachers were allowed back into our classrooms to prepare them for summer after being out of school for 10 weeks because of Covid.  

This departing friend, 2 other colleagues, and I were chatting in the departing friend's classroom before saying 'until we meet again.'  I do not even remember the specifics of what we were discussing. 

In the conversation, I called myself a bitch.

My departing friend asked why I called myself a bitch. Her expression was more one of curiosity than concern. We had worked together for years. She knew me.

"Because I am one. And I do it before others can," I replied.

The explanation:

I am a strong woman.

By strong, I mean that I am vocal. I speak my mind. I say what a lot of people are thinking but no one else really wants to say. Brené Brown in Dare to Lead discusses that in meetings people come to expect and rely on certain people to perform certain roles. From my perspective, I'm the person who speaks up...whether in a high school teacher staff meeting, whether in my groups of friends, or whether in family decisions. I say it how it is. I don't really know another way.

By strong, I mean that I am passionate. I usually only participate in or do things that I believe in...teaching, parenting, friendship, marriage. I breathe those areas. I research those areas. I work hard every day to be grounded in my values (courage and love) and to spread those values passionately. My husband has referred to that as "being on my high horse" (which I was totally triggered when he did. Pissed.). I view it as invested. 

By strong, I mean that I am not really interested in others' opinion unless they are in my circle. (I call that my one-inch box....more on that later.) Rachel Hollis says in her book Girl, Wash Your Face, "Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business." Um. Amen. A-freaking-men. I used to do so many things (so.many.things.) because I tried to meet others' expectations. Screw that shit. I now do things and make decisions based upon courage and love. If someone doesn't agree, ok. One of my bestie's husbands recently texted me, "In all walks of life, each decision we make will make someone else angry. We must do what we believe is right at the time. [I] would rather live life the way I want to and make people mad, then try to be someone I'm not."  I couldn't have said it better myself. I also have so much growth to make in this area, yet I have come a long way.

By strong, I mean that I rely on other people for support, love, and encouragement. Trust me, I still need to grow in this area and it isn't easy to do at all. However, I have an amazing husband who is always my rock when shit gets real. Plus I have my handful (my core group of friends) that answer my FaceTime calls even when they are driving and I'm bawling my eyes out, that come out to my house at a moment's notice with their toddler and ice cream, that text repeatedly until I can call them.  Those people. I have worked 40 years to find those people and I'm grateful every day that I have.

An observation:

I will say this (though potentially unpopular). A female who is vocal, passionate, uninterested in others' opinions, and relies on others is a bitch. She is gossiped about by other women behind her back or on social media. She is told to "watch herself." Men want to know "who she thinks she is." (Yup, all happened to me.)  

However, a man with these qualities is a leader. (Well, except for asking for help part....that's viewed as a weakness in men...unfortunately.)

I'm not saying I don't like men. I love them. I'm just saying this is a societal truth.

Last definition

So I'm a bitch.  And if that means speaking my mind, feeling invested in how I spend my time, filtering who I listen to and value, and asking those same people for help....then, ok, I'll be a bitch.