Ain't Happy

"If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Besides the fact that this cliché is grammatically incorrect (sorry, I can't help it), this phrase comes across as Momma being the center of the family, the unit which the family revolves around. It initially seems narcissistic. Selfish, even. And we all know that moms cannot ever be selfish (insert eye roll).

So why would I name a blog after that phrase? Do I think the word revolves around me? 

Ha! No. That's too much pressure.

I chose it because I have expectations. For myself. For my friends. For my husband. For my girls. For my students.

And, yes, it can be a double edge sword. But more on that later.

This is what the phrase means to me.

I like order and efficiency in my home and classroom. I hold myself and my family to that standard. If momma ain't happy about the order and efficiency, I expect my family to help with that. We do 15 minute pick-ups, we get things ready the night before for the next day, and we meal plan. I don't prefer chaos or clutter. It messes with my mind and stress level. 

I expect my children to not be assholes. If they are assholes to me, their dad, each other, or others, the 'ain't happy' momma comes out. I'm firm. I handle it. We talk about it. Sometimes time-outs are involved or removal of privileges. I. do. not. allow. it.  Honestly, 100% honest, I do not care if my children are valedictorian, the star athlete, the best musician, whatever. Would I like those things? Sure. However, what I care most about is that they treat others decently. They are accepting, tolerant, and non-judgmental. They give grace. They speak their minds with respect. Be a decent person. 

And, because I'm me no matter the situation, I expect my students not to be assholes. I parent and handle classroom behavior in the same way. I don't know how or care to know how to do it in different ways. I am a little less harsh with my students and try to figure out what approach works for each student, but I expect the same. My students should be thankful they don't have to live with me (although I'll have my oldest in class this year, so poor her).

Randy Pausch in his book The Last Lecture says, 

While I'm not a coach and I don't really yell in my classroom, I say to students if you aren't meeting expectations and I don't say anything or ask questions, it means I've given up. I'm not everyone's cup of tea as a teacher. I've found in 18 years that most students either love me or hate me.  However, I will say that I have not ever given up on a student. Ever. Even when they yell at me, swear at me, stop completing their work, walk out of class....whatever. I have not given up.

Part of Momma being happy is self-care. I cannot give, give, give to everyone else and not take care of myself. That is part of it. Some would view it as selfish. Whatever. And, in full disclosure, I'm not always so great at this part and sometimes (more than I should really) I lose my shit. But I do like to wear pretty clothes, do my hair, and put on make-up in fun ways. I like jewelry and nail stickers. I get manis and pedis. Perhaps, I'm high maintenance....vain...but I like those things. And I do them for me. Not for anyone else or because I feel I have to in order to fit in. Trust me, my husband doesn't care if I color my hair and put make-up on. My friends still let me into their homes when I'm wearing leggings, my unwashed hair is in a messy bun, and I'm wearing no make-up. And if people judge me for my appearance (cuz there are those people in my life), our relationship is not one I'm giving tons of energy to. Outside of my appearance, I work on self-care of my mind. I read. I try to read for at least 30 minutes a day....even when I have a large stack of papers to grade or the laundry needs to folded. And, recently, I've started exercising. (That's a whole different post.)

So, there. That's why this is the title of this blog. Momma being happy is about meeting expectations and some self-care. Not because I think I'm the most important person in the world, but I care about how my children, my students, and I live this life.